ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
