Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
