so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
