Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
