I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
