Cold hands, warm shart.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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