1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
