just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize