as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
