I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just had sex bonerless
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
