just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Fuck me I smell like cheese
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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