New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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