remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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