I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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