dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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