So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
