I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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