I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
