thus making me awesome and them whores
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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