margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
