I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
