Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
