my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
