whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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