She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
