y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
