I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You made out with two different species that night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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