So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
