I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
