Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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