party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
