those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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