1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yo dont text me then not text me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
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