I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There r osticjed everywhere
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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