a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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