We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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