Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
