I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
