I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
