I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
