i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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