Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
someone owes me an orgasm
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
