he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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