Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
