I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
