I am puke
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
