If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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