carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
