do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
