fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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