I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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