JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
