I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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