Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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