Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
