Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
