I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
