I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
