Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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