So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
