a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
