ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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