listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
