So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
