In the future we'll all be gay
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
